Bob's Story
by Bob

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Like most others who find themselves struggling with same-sex attraction, I was convinced that I could "live good enough" or control this until it just went away. I had heard the scripture "Be ye therefore perfect, even as I and your Father in Heaven are perfect" many times and believed that meant that I had to perfect myself by being strong and eliminating my sins and imperfections one by one. If only someone had explained what Moroni meant when he said that we were to be "perfect in Christ." And so I went for over 40 years of my life either denying that I had these problems or in great turmoil as I tried to eliminate them from my life. For periods of time (one for 11 years), I was more successful than at other times, but the feelings were always there, and my reactions to them often brought me great grief and sorrow.

Even though my problems with same sex attraction had started around age 13 when it was discovered that my testicles had not yet descended (later corrected), the problems with these attractions did not hit full force until I was about 30 years old and married with four children. (We later had one more of our own and adopted our only daughter, who also has had SSA struggles.) Once I became involved in pornography and acting out with others, I became a sex addict in many ways and could not reconcile what I felt and was doing with who I thought I really was (a good, faithful member of the LDS Church). I hid my feelings from everyone, including my wife, and led a double life as much as my situation allowed.

I continued to seek the Lord's help with these problems, and when I was in my late 50's, He responded to my prayers with a remarkable series of miracles: helping me enter a white-knuckle period yet again, take an early retirement from my work, sell our home, move to a new area, find Evergreen International and talk with men who had been able to submit to the will of the Lord and overcome these problems in their own lives. Once I heard their stories and how they did it, I did what they had done: placed myself completely in the Lord's hands (submitted to His will with nothing held back), admitted that I couldn't do this by myself, acknowledged my need for His strength and power in my life, and asked Him to use that power to take my unrighteous desires from me. Before long, I felt myself waking up with no turmoil or battles raging in my soul regarding these issues. He had replaced all of that with His peace (which passeth all understanding). He helped me tell my wife, go to my Bishop, repent, undergo Church discipline, receive His forgiveness, and feel at one with Him. I could now feel His love, grace, mercy, patience, and long-suffering, things that were always there. I felt like I had emerged from the darkness into the Light and had no desire to go back or even look back. What a miracle! I have felt His power in my life and know that He lives and wants to help all who have this problem in their lives. Perhaps His help will come in a different way, but it will come! Do I have to be concerned about falling? You bet I do, but as long as I try to do His will, I'm sure He will help me to avoid that.

I still have attractions (including looks) towards men, but there is no sexualization of those attractions, and I am content to keep those, if He doesn't see fit to remove them. They are not sinful and cause me no problems. I truly feel that He has helped me to experience the "Mighty Change" spoken of by Alma. I am indeed a new man (still somewhat in the making). I have been born again into a new life of hope that I can indeed return to my Father in Heaven, perfected and sanctified in Christ, to receive Eternal Life with my family. My marriage and family life are truly remarkable! My soul is filled with such gratitude to Him, that there is little room for anything offensive to Him.